


A Slippery Situation (but not really)

by DanicaVarder



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jongin being a brat but like barely, M/M, Quarantine, Sehun struggling, Self-Indulgent, idk there isn't much else to tag, it's just weed lol, this is barely comedy lol, wear a mask!!!!, yeah that about summarizes it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:02:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanicaVarder/pseuds/DanicaVarder
Summary: Sehun doesn’t have lube during quarantine. Cue the mission impossible theme.Mature for language, implied/referenced sexual situations, mentioned drug use
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol (mentioned), Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Junmyeon | Suho (implied), Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin (mentioned), Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 92





	A Slippery Situation (but not really)

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me at 3am while I was lying in bed and I decided I had to write it and post it. It's barely edited and SUPER short, but I hope it makes someone laugh/smile :)  
> And what better way to break my fic drought than with some SeKai/KaiHun? (Yeah, your girl got back into EXO during quarantine. SUE ME but also expect more fics with them???)
> 
> Disclaimer(s): This is all fictional. I've only used EXO member's names because I look at them and feel inspired to write which doesn't happen often lol.  
> Also, please keep yourselves and others safe during this pandemic. Quarantine when you can, wear a mask when you can't, practice basic sanitation, and listen to the experts. I hope you all are doing okay <3

Sehun has to admit: there are few things in this world better than making out with his boyfriend. Sure, the shop on 5th street makes a killer chocolate milk tea— just the perfect amount of sweetness and bitter tea flavor with the _best_ boba pearl texture. And food, in general, is usually pretty great. But with quarantine, and the budgeting and precautions that come with it, it’s been harder to go out and afford take-out as often. And, _of course_ , his dogs are the best, most well-behaved babies in the world and Sehun would _die_ for them without a second thought, but if they claw at his office door while he’s in an important meeting one more time, he may just lose it.

But making out with Jongin… that’s something special. The way he always looks so shy right before they lean in. His pretty lashes fluttering closed as their lips meet. Soft, close-mouthed pecks building up to slicker, filthier, tongue-filled kisses. The way Jongin whines into his mouth, hands coming up to tangle in Sehun’s hair and pull him closer, deeper. Sehun’s own hands feeling the perfect curve of Jongin’s waist, made as if to fit into his palms. And, the best part, the little breathy whimpers Jongin releases when their lips separate for longer than a few seconds and how he whimpers, “Want you to fuck me.”

Like right now.

“Sehun, please,” Jongin begs, because he knows Sehun loves it.

It’s their first free night in a while. While they have been spending a lot of time _around_ each other, they haven’t really been spending time _with_ each other. But tonight’s the night. They’d gone for a walk with the dogs, cooked and enjoyed a delicious dinner together, started watching a movie on the couch, and now…

“Let me grab the lube,” Sehun whispers, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend’s lips as he sits up on the couch.

Jongin gives him a pleased smile and leans back on the cushions, grabbing a throw pillow to cuddle while Sehun heads to their bedroom. He goes straight for his bedside drawer and pulls it open to reveal a few random items, including their silicone-based lube.

Except the bottle is empty.

Okay, no problem. Sehun navigates to Jongin’s bedside drawer instead. They like to keep lube on either side of the bed… for easy access, or whatever.

Except there’s no lube there this time.

Sehun opens up every other drawer in their room and with every empty drawer his heart sinks.

Huh.

“We don’t have lube,” Sehun says, mostly to himself, in disbelief.

He must have been taking a while because Jongin comes wandering into the bedroom and hears him. “What?”

Sehun turns around, wondering if he looks as sorrowful as he feels. “We don’t have lube,” he repeats, voice cracking at the end.

“Huh?”

“Don’t make me say it again, please.”

Jongin shakes his head, looking baffled. “No, I heard you. But I thought you had some?”

Sehun soullessly slides open his drawer again and pulls out the nearly empty bottle. It’s barely enough to slick up his dick. “This is all that’s left. His service will be remembered.”

“Please don’t gender the lube,” Jongin winces, but then his face morphs into one of contemplation. “Are any stores open right now? Maybe you can throw on a mask and make a quick run?”

They both already know the answer, seeing the digital alarm clock neatly strike 10:30pm. If anything had been open, it’s likely closed by now. And it wouldn’t be worth putting workers at risk, anyway.

Sehun collapses onto the bed, feeling like he’s about to cry. “My dick was so hard,” he bemoans.

Jongin winces again, in sympathy this time, and joins his whiny boyfriend on the bed to pat his shoulder comfortingly. He’s honestly a little annoyed too, but Sehun’s whininess often outweighs his own.

After Sehun has pouted for a few minutes, he lifts his head. “Maybe we can just suck each other off?”

“It’s not the same,” Jongin sighs, a bit of irritation seeping into his tone. “We’ve been sticking to handjobs and blowjobs for _so long_. This was gonna be special.”

There’s no arguing with that. And Sehun knows that once Jongin has his mind set on something, it’s impossible to derail him. Like the time he thought it would be a good idea to foster five dogs at once. They can only stare at the wall contemplatively and hope for inspiration to strike.

After a few more minutes, Jongin sprawls on the bed and groans pitifully, “I would do anything to get fucked right now.”

“What if we use cooking oil?” Sehun suggests, only half-seriously because he knows Jongin uses silicone-based lubricants exclusively.

But Jongin doesn’t seem to catch his joking tone because his expression morphs and, all of a sudden, Sehun can _feel_ dread hovering over him like a stormcloud.

The combination of not getting fucked, Sehun’s frankly _ridiculous_ suggestion, and perhaps a little unresolved stress from work culminates into an unstoppable force of fury and frustration. “Does my ass look like a fucking CAKE TIN to you, Oh Sehun?!” Jongin explodes causing Sehun to sit up in alarm at the sudden change in demeanor. “You’re just going to grease me up and put your baby batter in me? _I_ _don’t_ _fucking_ _think_ _so!_ Either we use _actual_ lube or we don’t have sex tonight!”

He pauses to drag a hand through his hair and exhale deeply and Sehun cowers. “God, I can’t believe you’re suggesting _cooking oil!_ Is this a joke to you? We probably wouldn’t have even run out of lube if you didn’t need to jack off _every fucking day_ . Can’t you go _one day_ without cumming?” They’re both standing up now, Jongin poking a finger into his chest accusingly and backing him up towards the door. “I swear to god, Oh Sehun! You better find some fucking lube and it better be silicone-based or I’m going to be your worst _fucking nightmare_.”

As Jongin punctuates his sentence, he shoves Sehun out of the bedroom and shuts the door in his face.

“Don’t come back until you have a _real_ solution!”

And with that, Sehun is left standing in the hallway, staring at their door. Jongin rarely pulls the brat card, since Sehun usually owns that privilege, but when he does… well. The result is in front of him. Sehun heads back to the kitchen where he had left his phone to charge and starts making phone calls.

He calls around to whatever stores are still listed as “open” on Google first, but most of them don’t pick up the phone. If they do, they kindly inform him that they’re closing up soon or that they don’t carry his— ahem— desired item. By the fifth call, Sehun feels like crying again. And Jongin won’t let him into the bedroom no matter how much he knocks and pleads. He is literally talking to a wall.

His second (and, admittedly, final) plan of action is to call his friends. One of them has to have lube, the horny fucks. (Sehun refuses to acknowledge that he is currently a horny fuck who is so desperate to have sex with his boyfriend that he’ll happily borrow a friend’s lube.)

He starts off with the person least likely to make fun of them, even if he’s least likely to have any lube. Sehun can handle polite rejection, but he will probably fling himself off a roof if he’s laughed at right now.

Suho picks up on the third ring and Sehun immediately whines, “Hyung~ do you have any lube?”

There’s a pause on the other side before Suho hesitantly responds, “Is this a joke or a dare?”

Sehun’s brows furrow. Sure, he plays pranks on Suho because he’s an easy target, but it’s still insulting to have his motivations questioned like this. “No, hyung. I need to fuck my boyfriend but we don’t have any lube at home. Can I borrow some?”

Suho splutters. “Okay, I’m sorry for asking. But um, I don’t have any with me right now. I’m actually… _out_ right now.”

 _Out?_ What the fuck does that mean? Where the fuck is Suho going during quaran—

Oh.

“Are you with Kyungsoo?” Sehun asks, half-excited, half-accusing. “But wait, you refused to see me and Jongin the other night! What happened to staying away from people, huh?”

An exasperated sigh answers him. “We both live alone and haven’t been in contact with the others… and we were feeling lonely. And we’re in a park right now, with masks on, literally six feet apart, unlike your request to come over and watch a _fucking movie_.”

Okay, fair points. “Well, enjoy or whatever. I hope you can sleep at night knowing you’ve betrayed me _and_ didn’t even have lube to offer me.”

He hangs up after that, the beginnings of Suho’s lecture getting cut off, and dials a new number.

“Sehun-ah?”

“Minseok hyung, please tell me you or Jongdae have lube. Jongin and I are trying to fuck but we’re all out and everything is closed and you’re our only hope.” It’s not true, but if they do have lube, it may entice Minseok to deliver it himself, rather than have Sehun drive over. They live much further away than Sehun feels like traveling right now.

The line is silent for a bit. “Well, that’s not exactly how I expected to be greeted,” Minseok gripes. “I don’t have any, but give me a second to check with Jongdae.”

Sehun hears the beginning of Minseok calling out for Jongdae before his voice fades out. He taps his foot in a mixture of impatience and nervous hopefulness. Eventually, there’s some muffled conversation and shuffling sounds that Sehun can assume is the phone being picked back up.

“Hey, Sehun-ah,” Jongdae greets this time. Before Sehun can return the greeting, Jongdae rambles on, “So, Minseok is too embarrassed to admit this, but we’re literally about to have sex and need the lube, so yeah. Good luck with your lube search and sorry about your dick if you don’t get to fuck. Did you know that your dick can fall off if—”

“That’s enough, Jongdae! Don’t tease him!” Minseok’s voice faintly interrupts. There’s more shuffling and this time Minseok’s voice comes through clearly. “We’re sorry, Sehun. Take care and have a good night.”

Now, it’s Sehun’s turn to be hung up on. Karma’s a bitch. He buries his face in his hands and curses his hyungs for being hornier than him. He wishes Yixing, Luhan, Kris, or Tao were still in the country— they wouldn’t treat him like this— but they had all been in China before lockdown and had decided to shelter there for the foreseeable future.

Which means he only has two options left. And while they’re his best bet, they’re also most likely to tease him to no end before giving him what he needs. He knows for a fact that Baekhyun and Chanyeol have lube in every room in their house, from the number of times he’s opened a drawer for spoons or scissors or socks and been greeted with sex-related paraphenalia instead. But being fiends isn’t limited to just sex for them: Baekhyun will laugh at his misfortune and Chanyeol will probably making him beg or something equally humiliating.

Sehun thinks about Jongin sitting in their bedroom and how he really doesn’t want to sleep on the couch tonight and dials Chanyeol’s number.

“Chanyeol’s phone. Baekhyun speaking.”

“Hey fucker, give the phone to Chanyeol.”

He can hear Baekhyun’s pout over the phone. “That’s no way to speak to your hyung. And Chanyeol’s in the shower; can I take a message?"

 _Absolutely not_ is Sehun’s first thought, but then he thinks about Jongin again. “Listen, I know you have a spare bottle of lube somewhere. Can I swing by? We— Jongin and I want to fuck, but we’re all out and all the stores are closed.”

A pause. Then obnoxious, ear-splitting laughter. “AW!” Baekhyun teases, as expected. “Little Hunnie’s trying to get his dick wet? Hahahahahaha! Did you hear that Chanyeol? Yeah, they’re out of lube! Fucking amateurs, am I right?”

A deeper, but just as loud laugh joins Baekhyun’s and Sehun frowns. “I thought you said Chanyeol was in the shower.”

“He just got out,” Baekhyun explains between giggles. “Here he wants to say something.”

Without warning, Chanyeol’s voice booms through the speaker, loud enough that Sehun has to pull the phone away from his ear. “SEHUNNIE! You little rascal! You should have called me first if you needed lube!”

“This is literally your phone number,” Sehun deadpans, but Chanyeol doesn’t hear him.

“Anyway, we totally have a bottle or two to spare for your humble cause…” Baekhyun guffaws and Sehun wants to strangle both of them, or himself. “… but we’re gonna need something as compensation for helping you out. You see, Baekhyun and I were planning on getting high tonight, but we don’t really have anything for the munchies. Think you can bring us some snacks?”

Well, it’s not the worst compensation. “Sure. Are chips okay?”

He can sense Chanyeol’s enthusiastic nodding. “Yeah, and there’s a McDonald’s on the way over here that’s open late but they aren’t delivering. Think you can grab two egg bulgogi burgers, two large fries, one regular Oreo McFlurry, and one strawberry Oreo McFlurry? Oh, and one pear chiller? And you don’t mind paying for it, right? Of course you don’t! Thanks so much Sehun! We’ll see you soon!”

Sehun really, really regrets hanging up on Suho so rudely. He’s confident that this is the comeuppance fate planned for him.

He sighs. At least he’s getting lube out of this.

The door to their bedroom is still closed, so Sehun just calls out to Jongin through the door to let him know where he’s going. He grabs his wallet, keys, a mask, and a spare bag of chips and jogs down the stairs to the parking garage where his car is waiting for him. Luckily, Baekhyun and Chanyeol aren’t too far away and the McDonald’s between them has a drive-thru so Sehun doesn’t have to leave his car. Within a few minutes, he’s secured the food and calls Chanyeol.

“You almost here?” Baekhyun’s voice comes through his car’s speakers and he sounds high, if that’s possible. “Chanyeol’s about to start eating butter.”

Sehun winces. “Gross. I’ll be there in a few. Can you sanitize and leave the bottle outside of your door? Make sure it’s silicone-based. I’ll text after I drop off the food.”

Baekhyun hums absent-mindedly. “Yeah. I’ll do it now.” There’s some shuffling and the sound of a door opening and closing. “See you soon, Sehun-ah.”

The blessed lube is awaiting him when Sehun arrives at their apartment door. He picks it up and shoves it in his pocket, setting the bags of food down and knocking on the door briefly before heading back. Even though they’re little shits, he can’t help but feel sad that he can’t actually greet them and see their expressions when they pick up the food. But all for the greater good; as soon as the numbers start going down, he’ll be sure to visit their high asses again.

Just as he’s thinking about it, his phone pings twice on his way down the stairs.

**Baekhyun: YOU GOT US EXTRA FRIES?? I LOVE YOU.**

**Chanyeol: You can have lube whenever u want bro ur the real MVP**

Sehun snorts to himself and sends them a heart emoji in response, which Baekhyun fawns over excessively and Chanyeol reacts to with a soulless “lmao” probably already shoving fries into his mouth. But Sehun can’t be bothered by those thoughts anymore when he’s clutching the bottle of lube in his hand and thinking about how he can finally, _finally_ fuck his boyfriend’s ass.

He gets home in record time, partially because the streets are so empty and partially because he’s definitely breaking a few speed limits. Once his car is parked, he takes the stairs two at a time up to their floor, fumbles with his keys briefly, and slams open the door with a maniacal grin.

“I HAVE LUBE!” He announces jovially, before the door even shuts fully behind him, but that’s the least of his concerns. He gets to _fuck his boyfriend;_ it’s enough to get _anyone_ excited.

There’s no immediate response, but their room is pretty soundproof, so he doesn’t blame Jongin. Once the front door is properly closed and locked and his things are set down, Sehun makes his way into the hallway and gently knocks at the bedroom door.

“Jongin, baby, I got lube,” he calls out, more gently than his previous announcement. There’s still no response, so he twists the door handle, finding it unlocked, and steps inside.

“Jong— oh.”

 _There are a few good things in this world,_ Sehun thinks to himself as he walks toward his bedside drawer and quietly places the lube in it. He casts a sidelong glance at his boyfriend, buried under the covers and fast asleep. Jongin looks so at ease like this, such a sharp contrast from how stressed he usually is. It warms Sehun’s heart.

He hops in the shower quickly and changes into sweatpants before climbing into bed as well, being careful not to wake Jongin as he readjusts himself and tries to get comfortable. But just as he’s settling in properly, Jongin’s eyes open sleepily.

“Sorry,” he yawns, a hand coming up to rub at his face. “I fell asleep. You got the lube?”

Sehun grabs his wrist to stop him and pulls Jongin into his chest. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go to sleep, Nini.”

Jongin pouts a little. “But… you went all the way…”

“And I’d do it again,” Sehun interrupts. “But all I really want is to spend time with you. Whether that comes through sex or just cuddling together, I’ll happily take it either way.”

A sleepy smile graces Jongin’s handsome features as he lightly hits Sehun’s chest. “You’re so cheesy.” He burrows in closer and whispers, “Promise I’ll wake you up with a bomb ass blowjob as compensation… I feel bad about yelling at you.”

Sehun chuckles to himself. “I didn’t mind; I know you didn’t mean it. And lucky for us, it doesn’t just have to be a blowjob now.”

“Lucky us,” Jongin replies, already back in dreamland.

Sehun looks down at the man in his arms and smiles to himself. There are a few good things in this world and Jongin is definitely one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this and enjoyed it, thanks! Feel free to send some love through kudos/comments/whatever! If you didn't read this, why did you not read it just to scroll down to this end note? And if you didn't enjoy it, pls tell me why so i can cry about it at night :)
> 
> I'm on tumblr @danicavarder (pls be my friend I need more friends who are into EXO after being gone from the fandom for so long) and my (lowkey abandoned) sideblog is @danicawritesfics. I'm too lazy to link either of them, but they should be pretty easy to find!  
> I have some old EXO fics on AFF (same name) but, looking back, I kind of hate them haha. Nevertheless, if you feel inclined to check them out, knock urself out ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
